Not too sure what title I want to give to this post..

Met up with Chan on Thursday and confessed to her what exactly happened. Thankful that she didn't judge me but at the same time I knew what she was thinking as well; block that guy bah HL. I really just couldn't do it. There's so much at stake, I mean, my heart is, and that's a lot already. I know things might even go worse or what do you call it, 夜长梦多, but I really can't stop it right now. I don't quite know what to do but to come here and whine.

I thought about it and I am fully aware really nothing good will turn out from this. SO WHAT IF he returns and come for me? Will we be happy together? Are we loving each other for the sake of it and is that... really what I want? I mean.. there's God. My Father in heaven..

Will a father wants his daughter to be unhappy in her marriage? Will a father wishes for his daughter to be heartbroken? Obviously not. Then why do I willingly allow all these to happen and hurt my Daddy God? Will I choose the cross or the bulbarsaur? Will I choose God or love?

If we really move along this direction, the next time we meet, we are very likely to hold each other again. What's next? Anticipating? Waiting? Fear? Should the day come where he gets together with her, how hurt would I be? What is he thinking right now God, what is it?! But I know God don't approve of this, I am aware of my sin. My conscious sinfulness and guilt is qnawing at my heart every single day. How far would I go with this?

You definitely suit her, or rather, she is more suitable for you than I am. I have more reservations about this. I need God and I want God more than the hurt I am getting by wanting you.