Bad day. Bad time. Bad choice. Have been asking myself, why did I choose to come to this school? Why did I give all my faith to her? Why do I still care whenever she is with XD? Why? Man. What I really hate is, I am really silly. A silly dreamer. Who wish to meet her prince, who wish she can have a friend, not only a friend. I have been feeling stressed for my already-tear-off boots. I cried. I think of her. I hate this. It's silly. Man. I never talk about hiM. NEVER. Does everyone believe that I really love the guy I told them? Hahax. I wish they do. It's real. I miss the way how I go crazy for a guy in primary school, like how Sok is now. But now, I don't do these stuff. hiM. We are impossible. Big age gap. Too big. I had lost something towards hiM, I have no idea what it is. I still love him, but I don't feel like having him. Is that still love? Lynn told me, you don't call it love when it involves only one person. Last time I used to think that love is not tying both of you but bringing both of you together, you are a loser because you have fallen deep in it, you feel whatever he feels and every minute, every second, he is IN you. Love is simply also unable to bring yourself to be angry with him and blame him. But now I think to love a person is wanting to be there for him always, feel sad when he is, feel happy when he is, and be the person he has always, yet not someone he has. [Can understand?] In fact if now you ask me, I will say, love is everything. I really wonder if I really can love. I love hiM, but I always like somebody else. It can happen to anytime and I lost the 'like' feeling pretty fast. I can daydream. I can have dream. However, I know, when it really happens, I don't want them. Last year, I told TaiYi, I might have a husband, yet my heart is still with hiM. TY said, I'm hurting my partner. But how am I gonna lose the love? Last year, I was so crazy. Dec 2004, I already told myself the whole 2005 will be my dream, I can spend with him so much time together!! And it did. It was a dream. 2006 came, and I wrote somewhere, 'my dream ended'. Is that why I feel I had lost something? I can't help it. I still think of hiM. I do dream. Nothing will ever happen. This year, I have my ex in the same class with me; I miss the old times, so? I am now so numb. I can't find anything about true love around me. SOk's is lolz-love. Meera’s going marry-break-then-marry-again love. Others are all, crushes. God, what is love? I don't feel anything now. Yea, I maybe ar, that MS, Hey, that PrinceC, hiM. Then? I'm really wondering, can I love? So do I really love Lynn? [as friends] Can I forget the pain and hurt she give me? Can I forget how I treated her? Can I lose myself?
Sunday, May 28, 2006
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hello
Hui Ling 040491
really really wants 'Marrying Mozart'
Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
