As I start to blog, open the truth door...

I don't want to read that blog...
I don't want.

I mistreat you in the past and I am sorry! that sense of guilt never dies out in fact it burns each time I see you.

Now everything I do I am scared that I will think worse of you for nothing...

And now I always feel that you deserved more than what I gave.

I don't dare to ask for your forgiveness I don't even know if you remember or if it means nothing now but I never know!

I am feeling so horrible I still don't dare to really give it all.

I am scared you will reject me not because you don't want it but it just happens that our character crashes.

cus I belongs to the seriousness-come-first person and I can't be as cheerful as you may seem.

I just want to say I am sorry for everything. And since I decided to be truthful...
I was jealous of you... for having so many friends
I was jealous of you for being able to carry a smile everywhere you go
I was jealous to see many people treasure you so much
I was still angered by the guys who scolded me because of you
I was jealous of seeing you in a happy family like you will never understand a character born in my family

and everything puts together... you seem so unreal to me.

and that was all in the past.

we left them all back but it lingers in my mind.

let me close the truth door.