Sok came over to my house to study. I love seeing her unable to speak fluent Hokkien. LOL. No worries Sok, you will learn enough by coming over enough. Haha. I strongly believe Sok can go mad when it comes to studying. She tried to ask my stuff toy dog, the one and only, to eat my small red pillow? The dog obviously don't want to and can't. Sok was so upset that it rejected her. ... Oh and I am happy to see the cow again! ...

I have been slacking in doing something which makes me feel really guilty. I push the blame to the house I am living in of course. Why will I blame myself? Undeniably, I know I am at fault. Urgg. If only I am bold enough to face the problems I calculated. Sometimes I don't really trust God huh. Isn't that sad? He puts all His heart and love to craft me and make me, but I refuse to go to Him when I have an broken arm for Him to fix it. Then I left my arm dangling, like a handicapped worker, useless. URG.

Let's have a random talk today. I love my parents. Absolutely. Despite the fact that they commit all the worst things I can ever think of, I still love them. The first sweet my dad offered me becomes my favourite sweet. The first place he brought me to when my mum went to Thailand alone, is the place I will love to seek peace at when I step into the working world. My mum loves cycling, so do I. They have so much impact on me, it's tough to not to love them or shut my eyes say "that's it, you are not my mum." Ha. But you know what... everyday they bicker and quarrel... I feel like just asking them to shut up, right in the face. urgg. Nevertheless, I will just see see look look, and just listen to songs on my ipod. You think I will pray? Probably. Then at night sobbing and thinking of stupid things to make myself laugh. Stupid things like oh well.. forget it. What a challenge can one life be.

Just now Sok touch anything that she can have her hands on... LOL. There was a book where I wrote EMO things during the period nearing to my O's. Guess I will start filling in for A's. What a trend. A boring and pitiful trend, not understanding how to savour the joy of life. To think some people always say having a baby is a gift, a great gift of life. Perhaps, I should take video of that and play it on my tv in my future bedroom and watched it every morning. "ARH, a baby!!! The gift of a new life!" WOW~ Enlightenment! ... Oops, I think I am too much. urg. studies...

Perhaps like what Elsa said, wires in my brain had went haywire. For instance, when fear is triggered in me, the fear wire will send signal to laughter wire and I will laugh at ghosts. Hahaha. One good example of that is when I dreamt of my friend, a male, becoming monster who wants to kill me and I was horrified. The reality (in the dream) turns out that my mum came home and she was more horrifying because I know she don't allow this guy to come my house. And my monster/friend become my friend again, scared of my mum too. ... Right.

Night. Off to study with my lovely brain cells. And I know I am a terrible object of concern for Him.

Sometimes words only meant something in that moment. The significance doesn't last forever. Yet, they never fail to leave a tingling feeling in the heart which I refuse to let go. Noob.
I really wonder whether those words which you said in that second are sincere or not. I bet they are, just that, now they doesn't seem like anything...

Labels: random, us